Tonight

Tonight, I went crazy.

I've had the failed experiment called "the office" hanging over me for almost a year and half. "The office" is closely related to several other failed experiments, including "my staff" and "that guy I thought was my best friend," both of which actually feel worse to think about than "the office." Lately, I've caught myself involuntarily spitting out the following key phrases when I recall these wretched themes:

1. "What a fuck-up. Why the fuck did I do that?"
2. "Oh god, I can't believe I hired those idiots."
3. "Jesus, I wish I'd never met that moron. What a loser!"

In addition to very nearly wrecking me and my entire family financially, immediately following its slow and extraordinarily painful demise, the office had the hideous side-effect of filling my garage with all kinds of crap, from disassembled office furniture to paper samples to bags of sugar packets.

For months I've been contemplating the garage. "I should get the garage organized and see if I can sell some of that stuff," I'd say. The "sell some of that stuff part" was designed to make me feel like I could recover just a little bit of the estimated quarter of a million dollars I threw away on the office and the idiots and the moron. But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I couldn't bring myself to do it because:

1. The prospect was totally overwhelming. (Think floor to ceiling boxes, mixed and unmarked).
2. I was unprepared for the onslaught of emotion that would come with throwing out 247 styrofoam coffee cups, the "Dreams and Wishes" jar that used to sit on the corner of my desk, and an entire green trash bag of tangled, unidentifyable computer cables.

Tonight, the pain of not doing it (i.e., continually feeling the pain and embarrassment of the entire sordid affair, reinforced by all the stuff persisting in my garage) became bigger than the pain of doing it (i.e., getting a bunch of plastic bags together and going ape-shit in there). And I went crazy.

I now have approximately 482 big green trash bags, some of which are arranged around the edges of my driveway, and some of which are still inside the garage, waiting to be hauled outside. I am left with the following office items: three desks (with chairs and rolling carts) and four office guest chairs, which are actually nice and worth keeping. Everything else is either in use in my basement or previously sold. Or trash.

In my garage, we also have a weight bench, Max's old desk, two outdoor trash cans, several basketballs, a four-drawer filing cabinet and a heated towel rack that is decidely NOT childproof. Oh, and a box of wrapping paper.

It's done. Finally.