News Flash! (duh)

File this one under "Too Much Information."

So the thing is, I have crappy self-esteem. I know. News flash! Whatever.

Because I have crappy self-esteem, I have a hard time believing that anyone actually likes me. Moreover, when I get the idea that someone actually does like me, then I act like a complete idiot by being up his or her craw all the damn time, and by obsessing over every little conversation, trying to discern whether or not I am in fact liked.

Often, this results in copious amounts of screaming and running away. On the part of the other person.

I know it's not attractive to constantly ask people if they really like me and why. I mean, if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd be all, "Why do you keep asking me that? Either believe me or don't, but quit asking!"

Eventually, I'd probably run away screaming.

So why can't I get over it? This girl who has never felt like she fit in? Not for a single day in her whole life?

Don't other people have some objective thoughts about themselves? Don't other people believe that they are inherently likable?

Maybe the fact that I'm looking outside myself for the answer is precisely the problem.

Also, I'm 99% sure I found Randy, but he hasn't called me back. I don't know why. Could be a million reasons, I guess. I hope it's one of the more benign ones. For now, I guess there's nothing to do but let it go. :(