Feeling lonley

Hello world. I feel lonely.

I've been glued to my computer monitor for two and a half weeks. I finally emerged long enough to go to lunch with my dear friend John and his nice girlfriend Melanie.

John and I have been friends for 18 years. That's astonishing to me. And you know the best part? Zero drama. None. While it's true that I may in fact be the only girl in the great state of Maryland that hasn't dated John at one time or another, the fact remains that I haven't. And that's worked out really, really well for us, thanks.

John and I didn't go to the same high school, but it seems like we talked on the phone every single day from 14 to 17. We talked so much that my mother often wondered aloud, "Why on earth doesn't that boy just ask you out?" Before she met him, she would say it like she was annoyed I was tying up the phone. After she met him, she said it like I was denying her grandbabies by not eloping to Vegas with him. Immediately.

Parental pressure not withstanding, here we are 18 years later, having lunch at PF Chang's with Melanie. And there is all kinds of secret code going back and forth, but I'm trying to keep it on the down low so Melanie won't get the wrong idea. And you know what John says to me? He says this:

"This is the first time since I've known you that you've seemed really, really happy."

I am floored. I am floored because John and I, as close as we have been, have not been so close lately. Because I haven't seen him in two years, and I've been too busy to miss him. And suddenly I remember all the late night phone calls and all the bad breakups. I remember all the times he confided in me and stood up for me when I needed it most. I found myself hoping I'd been just as good a friend to him but, the truth is, I'm not so sure.

I'm floored because after all this, he still sees what's in my middle.

So yes, John, we will do this more often. Because as hard as life presses on us, it's our job to press back. I hope I've been a good friend to you so far, but I want to do better. Thanks for being there, and thanks for reminding me what matters most. I love you.