Greetings irrelevant ones

Greetings my fellow irrelevant ones. Happy super Tuesday.

I'm not entirely sure what's so super about it, except that it happens to fall on Mardi Gras this year, which gives me an excuse to drink beer and whine about the delegate selection process.

26 states and territories hold primaries or caucuses after super Tuesday. That's 23 states, plus the District of Columbia, the US Virgin Islands, Guam and Puerto Rico. Maryland holds its primary on February 12. Uh...you wouldn't know it.

Could somebody please explain to me why, in the 21st century, we can't all vote on the same frickin' day? Hillary doesn't have to climb on the back of a steam locomotive and ride around the great plains shaking hands and kissing babies. We all know who Hillary is. And Barrack. Etc.

You know what really pisses me off about this? I never get to vote for anyone interesting. Heck, most years, by the time we hold our primary, there are only a couple of suckers left. It's like waking up the morning after Halloween only to learn that Iowa and New Hampshire bogarted all your Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.

Why do Iowa and New Hampshire get to go first anyway? Is it because we feel so sorry for them for being so boring the rest of the year? Poor Iowa. Nothing ever happens in Iowa! Let's get John Roberts out there to sit in a diner in his overalls for three and a half weeks opining about the majesty of the American political process.

Which brings me to the real problem. Guess what! It's the media! The media has stretched this primary thing out so long, I think it actually started before Bush was re-elected. Did you know Wolf Blitzer started that beard at the beginning of the primaries on a dare? You don't even remember him without it, do you?

Back to my beer.

PS: Andrew clearly doesn't know me as well as he thinks he does.