Kind of regret, but not really

So I'm feeling a little bad about my post two posts ago.

I don't regret discussing my disheartening parole news here, or even letting you all in on my backstory, but I am a little concerned about how I said it.

I just kind of put it out there like it wouldn't freak people out. Which, of course, it did. Some people who didn't know about this particular life event got very concerned about it and about me. Not because of the parole thing, I think, but because of the event itself, which is very much old news to me, hence my willingness to bat it around like a scuffed up old tetherball with casual disregard for how the people who love me might take this rather shocking piece of news.

I am a rape survivor.

I guess it seems like big news. Seems like something we should whisper about, rather than post on a blog for everyone to see. Seems like something that should be tucked away, buried in the closet like a skeleton. Bah, you know that's not true.

Why do I talk about it? Because I know that 1 in 5 women will be a victim of sexual assault in her lifetime. That includes childhood sex abuse. That's a pretty shocking statistic. Think of the five women you love most in the world: your mother, your sister, your daughter, your best friend. Now pick one. Odds are someone you know is a survivor and you don't even know it. Like me.

Why don't I talk about it? In other words, how could you not have known? Because being a rape survivor, while it's integral to who I am, is not central to who I am. I don't wear it like a badge because it's not really about me. It's about an angry man who's rotting in a jail cell somewhere, at least for a little while longer. There are lots of other things that I'd rather you know about me, like the way I laugh, or how much I love separated plates, or that I play the 'cello. So these things I tell you first. But I won't shrink away from it when the opportunity presents itself, and this is one of those times.

Why do I refuse to keep it to myself? Because every time I announce that I am a rape survivor, whether I'm doing a public reading of my work on the subject or posting in my blog, a woman comes to me and says, "It happened to me too. But I've never told anyone before." And to that woman, my courage means everything. Because of me, she knows she's not alone.

So let me say this: I will talk about what happened to me, in detail if you wish, anywhere and anytime. Nothing about this is a secret, and no question is off limits. If you want to know something about my experience, for whatever reason, just say so. It's not up to me to open the discussion. I just did. If you don't want to discuss it, don't feel obligated, because I'm fine. Really.

If you want to email me privately, do it here.