The other side of stress

My sister is a psychologist. She knows about the brain and stuff. She says there is another side of stress past the part where you feel stressed. When you get there, you don't care anymore. That's where I am.

I can't believe everything that's happened in the last few months. Exhilarating, no? Makes me wonder why I say things like, "God, I wish something would HAPPEN!"

Maybe I'll make a list, in no particular order:

• I went totally broke and thought I might have to file for bankruptcy
• I had to lay off my best friend, and, for a week and half, cried my eyes out every time I found myself alone.
• My other two employees resigned and neither went quietly.
• My kid Danny asked if he could intern for me, and I discovered that he is unbelievably competent, even though he's only 18.
• Andrew enters, stage right. He continues to demonstrate that he's the nicest, most generous person I've ever known, and when their powers combine, he and Jen become some kind of super-couple. I love them.
• I decided not to renew my office lease.
• I had to borrow money from my little sister to make payroll.
• My mom had a health-scare of the super-scary variety, but seems to have bounced back...for now.
• I managed to get caught up on my personal bills and avoided having my car repossessed.
• One of my long time clients told me that he wants everything they do for marketing to cross my desk. He then awarded me the first $11,000 of what may turn out to be a $25,000 database development project.
• I've fallen in love my husband all over again at least twice a week for the past 12 weeks.
• I (and Andrew and Danny) moved all my stuff into my basement, then Dave and I organized it (mostly).
• My mother bought a convertible and announced that she may give me her Durango, but she'll probably make me wait until September before she lets me know for sure.
• Finally got ballsy about making a baby and have had needles stuck in my arm AND an ultrasound wand (with condom - safety first!) stuck up my you-know-what four times in the past two weeks.
• Did I mention the needles to the belly? Twice so far - three more to go, I hope.
• I totally neglected my guitar.
• I got addicted to "Lost" on DVD.
• I realized that I'll never be able to ask my parents for money as long as they live. Because if I could ask them, this would have been the time, and I couldn't do it. That makes me sad.
• I learned that fertility treatments are a kind of trial by fire and I think everyone should have to go through them to prove that they are worthy of a baby.
• I continue to hope that I'll turn out to be worthy, thereby perpetuating my theory.
• I sold the phone system, the server and (just today) the extra laptop.
• On a whim, I mentioned to an old friend that what he needs is a strong marketing admin, at least part time. He said, "Are you free?" I'm now working for him 20 hours per week, in Lutherville. It's obscene how much they're paying me. Luckily, I'm worth it.
• I found out that a bad guy from my past is eligible for parole five years earlier than I expected.
• I decided I don't give a shit about it because he has no power over me.
• I have been awarded half a dozen other projects in the past two weeks and I'm not sure how I'm going to finish everything.
• No, there's nothing you can do, unless you know ASP and you want to work for free. Thanks for offering.
• I got a huge tax refund. (Losing money ROCKS!)
• I have spontaneously started eating better - not because I want to look better - but because it will be better for the baby, which is weird, because I've been on the weight-loss merry-go-round my entire life.
• Just today, I made payments (or partial payments) on most of my other outstanding vendor invoices, and it felt really good to prove that I keep my word, even though it sometimes takes longer than everybody would like. See!? I told you so, you bastards.

So that's it. Not so bad, huh? Roller coaster ride from hell! The good news is, I feel like I'm finally coming out of it. Things are starting to make sense again. Maybe life will be normal for a few months. Here's hoping.