Long time no post

Yeah yeah, I know. The facts are these: I've been at the j.o.b. everytime the urge to post struck, and I couldn't remember my username or password. That's lame isn't it? Oh well.

So I got this headache on Tuesday at about noon. I'm prone to migraines, so I know what a really bad day feels like. This wasn't quite that bad, but it was pretty bad. Maybe an 8 on the old 1-10 scale, with 10 being "I'm rolling around on my bed clutching my head in between bouts of vomiting, praying to god that my kids will turn off the TV downstairs because I'm afraid the muffled sounds of 'The Suite Life of Zack and Cody' will make my head explode."

Yes, my kids still watch that show.

Anyhoo, the headache went on for - I'm not kidding - 24 hours. Sometimes a little better, sometimes a little worse, but always there, like an icepick to the brain. It shook me out of a deep sleep at 3 in the morning, and that's never a good thing.

I was at Mullan yesterday at noon when I finally snapped and called the doctor. "All this could be solved by a little Tylenol, I told myself, but NO! Because Zed might be in there and I haven't had this conversation with my doctor." I say to the Kaiser appointment rep: "I've had a headache for 8 days and I don't know what I can take because I might be pregnant."

I'm so tempted to turn this into a Belligerent Intellectual-style quiz, but I'm not that patient, or that funny.

True to form, the appointment rep didn't know dick and put me on hold for the advice nurse. "All advice nurses are currently helping other Kaiser members. Your expected wait time is 47 years."

So I waited the requisite 47 years and finally got a nurse, who transferred me to another nurse, who had to check with a doctor. At each stage of my journey, I was asked, "Have you had a pregnancy test yet?" To which I am forced to respond, at length, beginning with "Well, I've been undergoing therapy at Shady Grove and..." and concluding with several acronyms your average Kaiser advice nurse wouldn't understand. The response I'm looking for: "It's safe to take Tylenol." The response I get: "Can you come in to see the doctor at 2:50?" Arg.

You can already see where this is going, can't you?

Left work early, drove home, changed clothes, drove to the doctor's office, got ushered right in to the exam room, waited for 45 minutes. On the table with the paper sheet on it. Under a blaring fluroescent bulb. Very good for migraines, by the way.

Finally Dr. Chuke makes his appearance. (Yes, that's his real name. He's African. It's pronouced "Shu-kay"). This is my first time on this particular pony on the Kaiser Permenente merry-go-round. Dr. Chuke is handsome and obviously concerned about my headache, which I've now had for 6 1/2 days, or so it seems. He asks me about my migraines. He asks me about my zygote. He hands me a prescription for codeine.

Now hang on. Did I not just say I might be pregnant? That I had an IUI 5 days ago? That it's very possible that there's a hard-fought tiny bundle of cells growing arm buds in my womb at this very moment? CODEINE?

"It's totally safe, even if you're pregnant," he says. "But if you prefer, you can just take regular Tylenol."

Rimshot.

Lucky for Dr. Chuke, he offered to get me some Tylenol on the spot. Otherwise, he might have become, at my hands, nothing more than a grease-spot on the highway of life.

PS: I feel different. I won't say how because it's embarrassing. But indications are positive.