Silliness

Silliness persists chez babyoog.

So long-lost Randy, the high school friend with the something-starting, possibly lesbian (according to Stephen) wife, and I were supposed to get together a couple weeks ago to catch up. But then there was all this drama. Now I'm in a holding pattern. Oh well.

It's kind of a shame because I've been waiting for 15 years to reconnect with him, but apparently it's still not the right time. It's making me wonder if there ever will be a right time. I hope so.

In other news, I'm thinking really hard about going to graduate school. I wish I'd gone right after undergrad, but things didn't work out that way. (I was pretty boneheaded back then! :) ) But unlike some regrets, it's never too late to rectify this one.

It would be a ways off. I want to have another baby first, and I have to ramp up so I'm as fresh with the material as my just-graduated counterparts (including taking the GRE and subject test), but I think I'm ready to prove that you really can go back to school after all these years.

Johns Hopkins University has two very cool programs - a PhD in English and American Literature and an MFA in Fiction. Not sure how many people they accept into the PhD program each year. They accept 6 each year to the MFA program, so it's very competitive. Pretty much a dream. But I'm awesome, right? :)

So what of Bevans Group? Well, honestly, I'm tired. It's been eight years, and it's been an awesome ride, but I'm starting to feel like I've learned everything I can learn from this journey. And it's exciting to think about heading off in a completely different direction, even if it's a ways off.

Woo hoo!

Would I?

I saw my friend the other day and I don't know
Exactly just what he became
It goes to show
It wasn't long ago
I was just like you
And now I think I'm sick and I wanna go home
- "Emenius Sleepus," Green Day

I sometimes wish I could be 17 again. I think I wish for this because, in many significant ways, I've let my life happen to me. If I could make many of those choices again - actually make them this time, rather than letting the world make them for me - I would do things differently.

But is that really what I want? To be 17 again?

I recently came across someone I used to know. He has so much drama in his life, it's crazy. His wife actually wants to "start something" with me, which I think means that she wants to...fight me? Is that what that means? I don't even remember.

I miss having every possibility open to me, but I don't miss the naivete or the hormones. I think I've held on to more playfulness than most, but I am glad I've grown up. At least a little bit.

I choose...

Dependence > Independence > Interdependence!

See, you 've got dependence, which means your can't survive on your own. And then you've got independence, which means you can survive on your own, but you don't benefit from others' talents, skills or experience.

And then you've got interdependence, which is a special way of relating to the world. When you're interdependent, you can connect with other people on mutually beneficial terms. You are capable of standing on your own two feet, but you can do more good in the world than you could on your own.

This principle is everywhere. These labels are from Stephen Covey, but my acupuncturist was telling me about how this principle applies in her practice. When you're performing acupuncture, you can give energy, you can take energy, or you can find a middle ground called "interface," where Qi is transferred back and forth in a way that serves both people.

That's what I'm talking about.